A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty;
rescue them, and you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 19:19

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For 80 years, Smokey Bear’s national PSA has rung true: “Only YOU can prevent wildfires.” He’s done a great job ingraining in us the importance of fire-prevention. This is wisdom for the ages when it comes to nature, but not the best advice for dealing with hot-tempered people. Relationally speaking, there are some fires we need to let burn. Still, we can leverage Smokey Bear’s mantra in these cases too. Not sure what I mean? Hear me out.

I’ve witnessed and acted out varying degrees of ballistic anger my whole life. I’m sure you have too. Fits of rage are part of my family history and so are the consequences. It’s painful to recall times when emotional wildfires ran rampant in my home, whether I or someone else created the spark. I know what it’s like to be raging inside and out, all the while wanting to be rescued from a relational inferno I ignited. I’ve also had to practice not rushing in to stomp out a hot-tempered person’s fire that isn’t mine to snuff out. Through it all, I’m remorseful and grateful for the godly grace, forgiveness, and accountability I’ve received and grown to extend.

When it comes to volatile anger, Proverbs 19:19 is simple yet challenging wisdom for both the offender and the offended. To the hot-tempered person, it’s Smokey Bear’s warning: “Only YOU can prevent wildfires”—and if you don’t, costly consequences will spread wildly. To the well-intended, serial rescuers out there, it’s a call to never separate accountability from forgiveness. When someone’s rage stirs up an interpersonal wildfire, you can keep it from spreading but it’s not your fire to put out.

Today, you and I have an opportunity to consider what boundaries we need to keep from getting burned by someone repeatedly. God calls us to practice forgiving and seeking forgiveness. And, regardless of who starts raging, we’re responsible to hold accountability for incendiary actions in high regard. Instead of sparing the hot-tempered from the heat, resist rescuing them from natural consequences they could have prevented.

Next Steps

It takes practice to not rush in to rescue when others create interpersonal wildfires. Reflect on these questions and discuss them with a trusted friend or your small group leader.

• What way(s) can you forgive and still hold them accountable for their actions?
• Who is someone you have forgiven more than once for the same offense?
• How has sparing them consequences affected you and your relationship?