Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.
Proverbs 28:23

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:6

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“Are you open to some outside perspective? This might sting a bit.”

“Oh, it landed. That was good, but I’m going to need time to sit with it.”

“What else do you need right now? We’re for you and here to sit in it with you.”

I’ve been in a weekly group of like-minded spiritual and relational adventurers for over a decade. The exchange above doesn’t happen every Thursday morning that we meet, but it’s happened more times than I can count. Our friendship is a circle bound by the grace and truth of Jesus. The seven of us follow Christ on our own, and we’re fully committed to living out that life together.

One way we show up is by unveiling what’s going on well below the waterline of our hearts. We reveal where we’re growing—our forward steps and struggles. We share what we’re feeling—what’s fantastic and frustrating. We ask for what we need—especially whatever will bring deeper, more godly care and connection. And we’re open to being both affirmed and challenged in the same breath—receiving celebration and course-correction as needed.

As I reflect on Proverbs 28:23 and 27:6, I realize how much I appreciate this unique life team community I’m surrounded by. Our regular practice of providing each other with affirmations and challenges shapes my character more than I realize. I need friends who refuse to flatter me. I need friends who don’t blow meaningless kisses my way. And the good news? I have at least six friends who speak words of life and love into one another with great intentionality and incredible precision. Our exercise of affirmations and challenges extends grace and truth in powerful ways whenever I need it—and often when I least expect it.

I wish you could be a fly on the wall when our group meets. You’d get a better glimpse of the kind of open-handed, open-hearted friendship and exchanges we experience weekly. The picture I’ve drawn above will have to suffice. 

I know this might be a touchy subject, but I’ve got to ask: who affirms and challenges you? My affirmation and challenge to you today is that you are deeply loved by God who created you; you deserve to be surrounded by friends like mine who always have your back.  The ball is in your court to seek them out if you haven’t already. And if you’re serious about finding better friends, that won’t sting for too long.

Next Steps

Who is someone that God has used to affirm and challenge you—a teacher, coach, employer, small group leader, family member, friend? What did you appreciate about how they extended grace and truth toward you? Take time today to let them know how their words of life and love impacted you.

Are you looking for friends who will affirm and challenge you? Joining a Willow small group could be a fantastic first step—click here!