For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15

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I struggle to forgive people who aren’t sorry.  Even if they use the word “sorry” by some remote chance, the statement itself takes no responsibility. “I’m sorry you are upset.” The person who utters that phrase isn’t regretful of anything they have done, but still wishes you were not frustrated with them personally. Sometimes we don’t even get the opportunity to be the better person and forgive them verbally because they are so sure they have done nothing wrong that a statement of forgiveness would start a whole new argument.

This reminds me of my neighbor and the cliche dispute we’re facing about the fence between our property lines. His untreated wooden picket fence had gone beyond eyesore and into dangerous, rotted, crumbling wood. I thought he should pay for a new one like he told me he would years ago. Of course, he doesn’t remember ever saying that, and his dog has died, so he doesn’t care about a fence anymore. And so, the battle commences in my own brain. I came to terms with paying for a new fence, but I stay annoyed with him. I have fantasy conversations with him (I hope I’m not the only one who does this) where I come out on top with clever cutting remarks. In reality, I rarely see, let alone talk to, this neighbor, so I can simply ignore my ire. The Holy Spirit nags in my brain with logic like, “these crazy thoughts of retribution are only weighing you down. To get peace, you have to forgive him in your heart.” 

That’s the nudge I need to get to work mentally. Whenever I think about the situation and the neighbor, I consciously analyze the thoughts and turn them over to God in prayer. I ask for balance and wisdom. I remember Jesus. I breathe in grace and exhale bitterness.

Finally, the matter is settled in my own spirit, and I let go of my frustration. Minutes later, I opened my email to find the next devotional writing was on forgiveness. I envision God winking at me with a knowing grin. We definitely have our inside jokes, which are usually about me getting worked up about nothing.

Next Steps

Is there someone in your life who would look at you with confusion if you said, “I forgive you.” Have you been harboring the perceived violation in your own heart for so long that it has grown out of proportion? Either talk about it maturely with them or truly let it go. Many of our relational problems start in our own minds. Invite the Holy Spirit into that self-talk discussion in your thoughts.