The righteous choose their friends carefully,
    but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 12:26

---

She came into my room with tears streaming down her face. We had just learned of two birthday parties—one her brother was invited to and the other her sister was invited to. It was a loud reminder that her social calendar was virtually empty. In middle school (any age, really), that’s a huge blow to one’s confidence. After a brief, fruitless discussion that did not help ease her troubled heart, she retreated to her bedroom and buried her head in her pillow. 

As I gingerly opened the door to her room—not sure where in the emotional journey of processing this reality she was—I prayed, “Jesus, help me with this kiddo.” I was immediately reminded of my own friendship journey in adulthood, when making friends just feels a lot harder. 

I sat on her bed, asked what she was feeling and then encouraged her with what God had encouraged me with years ago: “You know, sweet girl, sometimes God allows us to feel things like this so we can be what we need. What I mean is, years ago, I felt like I didn’t really have friends. And as I prayed about it, I sensed God telling me, ‘Be the friend you want to have.’” I went on to tell her what that looked like—being brave and making the first ask to hang out, it meant pursuing the friendship I longed for, releasing expectations, and going first in vulnerability. It also meant choosing wisely. This was her opportunity to choose her friends while being the friend she longed to have. 

No matter our age, we need friends—quality friends we can do life with. Some of the best friendships I have now came about all those years ago when I obeyed God’s nudge to me to be the friend I longed to have. And now, I’m watching my girl do the same. 

Next Steps

How are you doing in the friendship department? Are you like my girl and me, realizing it’s time to step out and be the kind of friend you’d want to have? If so, pray for courage and wisdom. If not, perhaps today is the day you send those dear friends of yours a note letting them know how much they mean to you.