I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Philippians 1:20-24

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On New Year’s Eve 2017, my husband and I were invited to a party across the street. Since it didn’t start until 8:30 p.m., we settled down in front of the television to watch a light-hearted movie. When 8:00 rolled around we had a decision to make: do we go or do we stay? We didn’t feel there was a right or wrong answer. We both agreed we could be content either way. In the end, we got dressed to go, thinking there might be a chance to share about Jesus at some point. 

When I read Paul’s statement in today’s passage about staying on earth to witness, I see it as going to the party with all the excitement. When I read his desire to be with Christ, I see it as curling up on the couch, cozy with Christ, and quietly soaking up His ambient glory. 

Considering this, I ask myself this question, “Do I have the same sense of ‘torn between the two’ as Paul?” Honestly, no. I live life on earth very much for my own happiness. I certainly witness occasionally, but what I would miss leaving behind are my family, friends, and travel. Full disclosure, when I think about heaven, sometimes I think of the people who went before me, before I think about Jesus. Maybe I “should” think of Jesus first, but I have made peace with my humanity and happily meet the reasonable challenge to grow closer to resembling Jesus little by little.

Paul lives with reckless abandonment in his witnessing because there are only two things that are of utmost importance to him: telling people about Jesus and being with Jesus. As I sit with these thoughts, I realize I can lean into this drive to proclaim the Gospel more joyfully if I picture myself with one foot on earth and one foot in heaven. I want to sit next to Jesus and watch the segment of the movie of my life when I am telling folks about Him, while He puts His arm around me, gives me a squeeze, and says, “Well done. Good and faithful servant, well done.” If I want to watch that movie with Jesus later, then I need to live that part now. Since Jesus and people are the two things of greatest value, I certainly can proclaim salvation more freely with confidence and joy, knowing I am pleasing God.

Next Steps

Need a little energy to get started? Fill yourself up with joy by listening to this song, and then take that energy with you into the world.