“’Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” 
Leviticus 19:18

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One Sunday after church, my husband Dave, who always makes a pros and cons list and follows the rules and directions, turned and said, “Nancy, God’s gonna ask us to do something soon that will change our lives.” I might have given a quiet smile, but in my head, I thought, “Yeah, right.”  

The very next week, she approached Dave at school and said, “I’m not going to be able to play soccer this year; I’m losing my foster placement.” There it was—rather there she was—and we promptly moved her into our house at age eighteen. Dave immediately wanted to be her dad, and I wanted to be her aunt because she still had a mom. In retrospect, we were unprepared to become foster parents. She was determined to be in charge of her own precious life. Through good times and challenges, we tried our best to love her. We both knew God desired this. 

You might wonder what this has to do with today’s Scripture. While caring for our daughter (now a woman) for the past eighteen years, Dave often reminded me that God expects us to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22 MSG). This verse means we should forgive repeatedly because of what Jesus did on the cross for us.

When we try to parent, we sometimes hurt—our feelings are hurt, angry words are spoken, and quite often, we don’t agree with how our adult children choose to live their lives. With my two other children, whom we raised from infancy, I have repented and forgiven easily. This rhythm wasn’t often applied to our newest daughter, and issues were swept under the rug.  

Because I harbored my anger and didn’t forgive her, bitterness flooded my heart. Sadly, I didn’t love her like God intended me to.

This last January, eighteen years later, while visiting her family, I watched her lovingly care for her sweet little girl. God whispered, “Nancy, forgive her for all of it; imagine throwing your big grudge right into the river flowing behind her house.” 

After I pictured throwing my grudge in the river, the bitterness disappeared—all of it. Everything between us felt new, fresh, and alive. God healed my heart in an instant.

God wants us to love our neighbor, and forgiveness plays a significant role in our ability to love and maintain healthy human relationships. 

Next Steps

In her book Relaxed, Megan Marshman writes, “You can trust Him with your whole heart. You can even ask him, God, I prayed for three days in a row this week, and then I forgot the rest of the week—what’s going on with me? Reveal my heart.” If you ask him to search your heart, He will reveal what is wrong. Asking for forgiveness is an important rhythm.

Please pray about participation in our church’s Year End Fund.  At Willow, we choose to love our neighbors and not hold grudges!