Your Commitment During This Workshop

I will, to the best of my ability, intentionally commit to work on restoring the wholeness of my marriage by:

1. Honoring my marriage vows and believing that God wants my marriage to heal/grow.
2. Committing to consistent attendance for the duration of the workshop, and to determine proactively, what my contribution was that caused my marital breakdown.
3. Opening myself up to others and to God with a teachable spirit to learn about myself and my hurtful patterns.
4. To begin to understand, identify and change hurtful behaviors and patterns in my marriage.

Marriage Matters Confidentiality Statement

Any information shared within a group must stay in the group and not be communicated to others outside of the group. This is so safety and privacy can be ensured for those participants who need to share sensitive information. There are two exceptions: 1) If there is apparent danger or cause to harm oneself or another, 2) If the small group leader needs to share information with his/her coach to more effectively meet the needs of participants.

Children's Support Ministry / Oasis

We urge you to enroll your children in Oasis while attending Marriage Matters. Using Oasis will give you the freedom to be a full participant in Marriage Matters. Infants can be disruptive to large group teachers and small group participants.

Getting the Most from Your Small Group

The following is a list of suggestions that will facilitate the group process and experience for you and others.

1. Share During the Group Sessions
   1. Contribute to the safety of the group by offering others support, acceptance and encouragement. Growth and change take place in the context of supportive, loving relationships. Your small group will be a safe place to begin to heal. God designed healing to take place in the context of loving, supportive relationships. Please allow your small group to provide for your relational safety so you can grow through your pain and begin to resolve marital difficulties.
   2. Prepare to take risks and share your thoughts, feelings and reactions. They are needed and important for your growth as well as others'. Wisdom comes from many counselors. As you share and receive feedback, you will begin to gain new understanding of harmful patterns that contribute to your marriage. You cannot begin to change patterns and behaviors until you are aware of them. Please share your struggles.
   3. Begin to look at yourself honestly. Ownership and taking responsibility for yourself and your contribution to marital difficulties is essential for healing the relationship.
   4. Try to share sad, angry and scared feelings. They are indicators of past abuses, violations and/or hurtful experiences. These feelings, left unprocessed, can block intimacy and potentially destroy a marriage.

2. Support and Encourage One Another
   1. Don't give advice unless it is requested, and don't judge one another.
   2. Listen supportively as the other members speak. Use reflective listening, i.e. "So you're saying..." Strive to understand others and be understood by others and avoid passing judgment.
   3. Ask for information and clarification.
   4. Give and receive feedback.
   5. Ask "how" and "what" questions rather than "why" questions.
   6. Use "I" statements, keeping your comments about your thoughts, feelings and/or experiences.
   7. Trust, confidentiality, and loyalty are "musts." Specifics should not be shared with anyone outside the group, since this can destroy the group's cohesiveness and effectiveness.
   8. Encourage, affirm and unconditionally accept one another while supporting growth and risk of group members.

Sharing, coping, supporting, listening, bearing one another's burdens, etc. are all part of the enriching/restoring process. By choosing to become an active group member, you are also choosing to grow as an individual and as a couple.